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When Luck Runs Out

11/22/2019

31 Comments

 
Picture
Two years ago we had just finished a wonderful camping trip through the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, celebrated a 90th birthday with my amazing Aunt Lil, and shared in three nieces' fun weddings. We winterized our camper and planned and executed a Christmas gathering of our family in the cabins at Lake Darling. It turned out great, complete with a little Christmas Eve snowfall and we had a memorable time.

After the holidays, we started planning our spring trip. My sister and her husband had recently bought a property in the North Georgia Mountains with plans to build a house, so our itinerary would take us south to son Pat's home north of Dallas, along the Gulf and up to Blue Ridge, Georgia. Then things started to go wrong. After a trip south fraught with nasty weather, when we reached Dallas one of the camper slides gave up the ghost. We were able to open it and complete a weekend visit, but once we closed it to leave, it was done. After no luck getting local repairs, we returned home.

Two weeks later, repairs made, we decided to try again and headed through Tennessee to Georgia. We visited friends and neat parks, had a great visit with my sister and started back home. After an Easter visit with granddaughter Jessi in Tuscaloosa, we stopped in a north Mississippi campground only to have the other slide go wacky. We made it home, thinking we had encountered the worst luck with our two year old travel trailer. Fortunately, it was still under warranty, but we were leery of what the future would hold for that camper.

We didn't know at the time, and would find out a few months later, that my husband was already being attacked by lung cancer. Soon, possible difficulties with the camper were the least of our worries. Our camping season ended in August.

The diagnosis should not have been a surprise. He was a long time heavy smoker. He had never had a job where he couldn't smoke. But his health had always been incredibly good. In spite of favoring high-fat, high salt foods and having a genetic predisposition to high blood pressure and cholesterol, his had always been excellent. I don't remember him ever having the flu, and he rarely missed work. Neither of us took medications and we seldom visited the doctors other than routine physicals.

After the diagnosis, all of that changed. Our schedule revolved around doctor visits and treatments. The cancer metastasized to the brain. His luck still held in some respects. He had no pain, no loss of appetite, --basically no symptoms. But after whole brain radiation last spring, movement, speech, and cognition began to be affected. The last two months have seen a dramatic decline in those areas.

In spite of that, we have had some high moments since the diagnosis. Two grandchildren were married, and three graduated from high school. We also have a second great-granddaughter. We did make some short camping trips this year with the help of our friends.

Despite efforts in the last two years to downsize to a one floor house, we are still in our old two-story with no bath or bedroom on the main floor. Earlier this week, an early morning trip upstairs nearly resulted in disaster, and we decided it was time to take up his sister's offer of their ranch house while they are gone for the winter. We made a rapid, haphazard move the next day.

It is a lovely home and there are no steps, but it's difficult giving up everything that is familiar. We don't want to move anything we don't need but every day I make a new list of things to get from our house. Instead of worrying about whether the camper slides will go out, I wonder each morning what new difficulty will present itself in the most mundane daily tasks. Physical therapy has helped some in his movement, but everything is an effort. His walker requires careful negotiating and constant supervision. His speech is often hard to understand and I can't always discern his wants. Falls are a constant fear. Most of all, his personality has changed and his sense of humor is about gone.

Family and friends have been wonderful with offers of help but there is little anyone can do. Our kids, currently living in Texas, West Virginia, and Illinois, have made visits to give much appreciated help. One grandson came to help with the move, and another grandson helped to rebuild a rotting step at our home. A former student of mine who recently lost her husband to lung cancer reached out this week with advice and a sympathetic ear. The student becomes the teacher.

So we plug away. My writing gives me some escape early in the morning. I'm not sure where I was going when I started this blog entry, except to say appreciate what you have when you have it. I look at photos of my husband from two or even one year ago and can't believe the changes. We have wonderful memories to cling to. I don't know what else to say.


31 Comments
Anne Howe
11/22/2019 06:33:15 am

With tears as I read this I so UNDERSTAND all of it. There are no words or very few.

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Amy Manemann
11/22/2019 07:08:06 am

My heartfelt thoughts and prayers are with you ♥️

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Pat Kirby
11/22/2019 07:08:15 am

Karen. My heart breaks for you both. I am so sorry. Tell Butch we love him. And we love you too, Karen. I wish we could help in some way. But I am praying everyday for you both. God be with you
Love, Jim and Pat ❤️❤️❤️

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virginia miehe
11/22/2019 07:11:06 am

Life changes in a moment. You're a strong, intelligent woman, but this is a challenge we cannot change.

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Cindy Fountain
11/22/2019 07:18:28 am

Our hearts go out to both of you...continued prayers flowing.

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Sheila Boyd
11/22/2019 07:53:50 am

We’ll be keeping you both in our thoughts and prayers.

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Diane Weyer
11/22/2019 08:09:30 am

Sending thoughts, love and prayers to you and your family.

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Craig Ruegsegger
11/22/2019 08:18:37 am

Prayers for strength for both of you on this journey.

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Chris and Annette Whitehead
11/22/2019 08:22:03 am

We are so saddened to read this. Words cannot express our support for you. This is a horrific disease that robs us of our loved ones and please let us know if there is anything we can do. Our love and prayers to both of you.

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janet Koellner
11/22/2019 08:23:25 am

Our family,friends and the memories are the blessings we cling to in difficult times.

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Joey Iske
11/22/2019 08:31:15 am

Karen and Butch-my heart and thoughts are with you always. ❤️❤️I’ll stop by to see what I can do for you. Grocery runs, bringing items from your home, cooking meals. Just anything you need. This is the time for you and Butch to lean on your community and your former students. We are here for you!!! Love you both - Joey and Jeannette

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Marianne Phelps
11/22/2019 08:54:25 am

Prayers for courage and strength for you both.

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Janet Woody
11/22/2019 08:55:35 am

Karen, I am so sorry that you are both going through this. It's so hard on everyone. One day, one moment at a time is all you can do. I remember so well going through this with my dad. I was a senior at WL, 18 years old, just a kid. He started with lung cancer and then it metastasized to his brain and spinal cord. How can a disease bring such a strong man to his knees. I feel your pain and will be praying for you both.

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Chris Arabadjis link
11/22/2019 09:10:13 am

Karen, what a rough time you Butch are going through! I suppose this is what will happen to all of us if we are lucky enough to live a long and rich life. You are a person who knows how to stay positive under the most difficult of circumstances and at the same time see things for how they really are. I have no doubt you are a bedrock in your family and among your friends. You're open and creative in dealing with challenges, and that has no doubt made you a great teacher and a dear friend to many. The sadness that circles around the decline of health can be overwhelming and your way of dealing with issues one by one as as they arise is a great way to feel some empowerment when the chips feel stacked against you. Sharing the feelings of grief at the loss of the parts of life we most treasure is the only other way I know of to help during these difficult times. It breaks my heart to read this blog entry. I can't think of anything more difficult than to see one's life partner slowly slipping away. How to continue? How to stay strong? How to be of good cheer under such circumstances? You know much more than I do about this. But I do want you to know that the effect you've had on people from far back and far away remains intact. I'm one of those people. It may sound a bit sentimental - neither of us are known for that - but I do hold you close in my heart. Much love to you and to Butch, your old friend from long ago and far away, Chris

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Verna Humburg
11/22/2019 09:40:53 am

I've been through this . Daryl didn't want any chemo. He made me promise that he could pass just being near me. I watched him disintergrate before my eyes . But he had a great attitude. I went in and put my hand on his chest to see if he was breathing and he would open his eyes and smile and ask why I was there. And I would tell him for a midnight kiss. And the day before his birthday at 3 am he was gone. But I had a long talk to him while the time passed till 8 then called them. All I have is sweet memories.
Get anything that needs settled now. My heart goes out to the both of you.

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Linda Jensen
11/22/2019 09:52:45 am

Butch’s illness brings back the memories of Bill’s last 8 months. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that you both have to go through this. Family and friends are a real lifeline—so glad you have both. Treasure each day. Prayers for Butch and you.

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Blaine and Jodi Kelly
11/22/2019 10:48:20 am

Butch and Karen- you are in our daily prayers. We pray for strength and courage for all❤️. Please let us k ow if we can help you in ANY way!

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Sue McCauley
11/22/2019 11:37:55 am

This is very sad to hear, Karen! I am thinking about you and Butch during this tough transition time and keep you in my prayers!

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Melody Henderson
11/22/2019 12:07:35 pm

Karen & Butch - My thoughts and prayers are with both of you. For many years I have always admired the relationship that you and Butch share. I hope you feel the concern and love that so many friends have for each of you. Please know that we are there for you.

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Wendy Rios
11/22/2019 12:58:13 pm

Karen, you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers for the journey you have ahead of you. Hugs.

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Shirley Hendrickson
11/22/2019 02:42:17 pm

Karen, I can so relate. Husband's health, we left our wonderful Mission
House B & B and we still miss it! We will be thinking of you two.

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Evonne Freeman
11/22/2019 03:03:36 pm

Karen and Butch,
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your entire family as you face the challenges ahead. Please let me know if I can do something to help as I am familiar due to my husband’s cancer diagnosis several years ago. Sending love and hugs.

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Andrea Christensen
11/22/2019 03:43:21 pm

We have wonderful people in our lives!!! Having a brother who has been awesome, family and friends everywhere....then suddenly you are making different lists and struggling thru rough times....appreciate all those lovely things that I have just because of ya'll in my life

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Cindy Lehman
11/22/2019 04:02:48 pm

I think of you two often, sorry for your struggle. So glad you are on one floor now which will hopefully easy some of the stress. Please let us know if there is anything you need.

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Lory Rieger
11/22/2019 06:54:06 pm

Oh Karen, I'm so sorry. Butch is my favorite of all the Nortman boys! I admit I've envied all the travel you've been able to do.

Being a caregiver is probably the highest honor you can do for a loved one. He may not say so daily, but in his heart you are his hero. Love has no boundaries.

Continue to blog, cry when you need, and question why? Your work is not done here until your last breath is taken. The reward for a job well done will be that it is being done with grace, love and compassion for another.
Prayers and hugs, Lory.

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Terry Ozzello
11/22/2019 09:32:49 pm

Tears running down my face, I so know where you are. And I hope people know that you can feel the prayers they are sending. You can feel the support. You're written words were spot on! When even you don't know what people can do for you. Yet, they re doing it. PRAYERS AND POSITIVE ENERGY. And I hope you can keep writing...selfish of me...but I hope it helps you...it sure as hell helps me/us! hugs!!!

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Donnette Dulas
11/22/2019 10:20:09 pm

Karen, I have you and Butch in my prayers. It is so hard to be the care giver. Wish you were closer so I could help. Prayers work and it appears that you have lots of them going your way.

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Dennis Riggins
11/23/2019 10:27:47 am

You and Butch are in my thoughts and prayers, Karen.

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Nancy Ekwall
11/23/2019 11:51:30 pm

Oh Karen, I so relate to what you and Butch are going through. Your comment about wondering what new challenges each day will bring struck such a chord for me. Thinking of you both.

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Susan Anderson
11/24/2019 09:46:34 am

Karen,
So sorry to hear that things are not going well. You two are in my prayers.
Susan

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Jacque Hazen
11/25/2019 07:33:08 am

Karen and Butch I pray that God gives you the strength and the courage to get you through this part of your life. May you find peace in Him and in each other. My heart breaks for you and what you are going through. Remember you are loved!

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